Long story short, Sonny and I have been disconnect the past few weeks. I am not sure how to make this flow, so I am going to use bullets to describe what has been going on:
- I want my green string. I know we can easily get it, I just have to tape it. In order to tape it, there were a few things I wanted to improve on. Perfect opportunity for direct line thinking :(
- I don't have much free time, therefore the time I do spend with Sonny I think should be productive
- Im tired. Very tired. All of the time.
- Sonny hasn't given me a happy face in weeks. Which makes me frustrated and upset like nothing else.
I hope that gives you a glimpse into the way our relationship has been feeling lately. When it is put into that kind of list, it looks pretty obvious that we have problems. Ugh. Last week I finally realized that I have to change something (if you always do what you have always done...). I took a step back and looked at the situation. I mentally made the above list. After a minor meltdown and a lot of "Why do I do this", I decided to put myself in time out until I got my attitude together. Sonny is always going to mirror me, and if I am feeling tired, out of time, pressured, goal oriented, frustrated, and upset, well... I am not going to want to even see my mirror.
Thursday we had PERFECT weather and I was feeling great. I was really looking forward to playing with Sonny so I finally let myself out of time out since I had a fresh, positive perspective. I set up a few things: a small jump, three cones, and a single barrel. I immediately put my LBI hat on, snugger than normal. I often try to slow things down for him, but I am not being 'true' about it. I may slow down physically, but I am still going 100 mph inside. I know LBIs are mentally quick so that sounds right, except my mentally quick feels a lot more like anxiety. I get so worked up over slowing down that my energy isn't slowing down, I am just physically slow. Therefore, I haven't been truly matching his energy lately. Tuesday I was just happy to be with him tried to make that show. I spent lots of time playing the friendly game and actually being relaxed for once.
Along with making an effort to match his energy, I did a few other things that I don't normally do. One was to not push him. We have had a lot of trouble with sideways over the barrel in the past and normally when I want to practice it I just make him go over it. That is so unsavvy of me that I am almost embarrassed to say it. So Thursday I trotted him up next to it, lined him up, then walked him away. He gave me the WHAAAAAT? face and I loved it :). That was the first time in a long time he has asked me a good question like that :).
I didn't play for too long when I did something that is very, very hard for me: I stopped early. The LBE in me wants to go and play and play and play until I accomplish everything that I want to. Of course Sonny hates it and I push him through it. Why would I ever think that was okay? So after a happy 20 minutes I asked him to lay down, he stayed laying until I asked him to get up, then we got up and went and ate grass. It was such a fun day. There wasn't any pressure, there wasn't any expectations, we actually just played.
I am not sure when I crossed the line of the 7 games to the 7 jobs, but I am pretty sure Sonny would say that I definitely crossed it. I feel so bad and embarrassed about it, but I guess it's a good thing to move from unconscious incompetence to conscious incompetence. If I can start applying everything I know to be true, rather than just storing it in my head, I bet I could make a pretty good partner.
Along with making an effort to match his energy, I did a few other things that I don't normally do. One was to not push him. We have had a lot of trouble with sideways over the barrel in the past and normally when I want to practice it I just make him go over it. That is so unsavvy of me that I am almost embarrassed to say it. So Thursday I trotted him up next to it, lined him up, then walked him away. He gave me the WHAAAAAT? face and I loved it :). That was the first time in a long time he has asked me a good question like that :).
I didn't play for too long when I did something that is very, very hard for me: I stopped early. The LBE in me wants to go and play and play and play until I accomplish everything that I want to. Of course Sonny hates it and I push him through it. Why would I ever think that was okay? So after a happy 20 minutes I asked him to lay down, he stayed laying until I asked him to get up, then we got up and went and ate grass. It was such a fun day. There wasn't any pressure, there wasn't any expectations, we actually just played.
I am not sure when I crossed the line of the 7 games to the 7 jobs, but I am pretty sure Sonny would say that I definitely crossed it. I feel so bad and embarrassed about it, but I guess it's a good thing to move from unconscious incompetence to conscious incompetence. If I can start applying everything I know to be true, rather than just storing it in my head, I bet I could make a pretty good partner.
:)
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